this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
