I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
