I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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