Your tits are I can't wait for
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
