I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
