can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
