I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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