It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
