OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
