Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
