I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
