Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
