I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
