You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
