He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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