I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
