He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
