Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
