His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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