and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
