Need sex. Gaining weight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
