Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
