I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just want to make out with him forever
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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