i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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