i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
