you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
