you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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