You work out of a Hotel?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
