We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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