This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i came on her dog
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
