Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
