New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
