my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
