he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
