was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
