dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
