Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
