they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
