Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
