puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
