I can tuck mytits in my pants
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Come share oat with me in your robe
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
