do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
