Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
