I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
