she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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