the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
