dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
