I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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