i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm always down for nudity.
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