I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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