So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
