you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
